First of all, I apologize ahead of time to those of you who are not religious or who do not believe in God. I truly share my heart in this post, and my heart is directly tied to my Lord, so there’s just no way I could write this without mentioning Him.
We all try it.
You know, being perfect.
We mean to do right, then do something wrong, then find ourselves filled with disappointment. And of course, we all know we’re not perfect. At least, I think we all know. Some of us may have a hard time accepting it, though. And most of us have a hard time letting others see that we are not, in fact, flawless.
I was looking at the pictures my sister-in-law took of us a few weeks ago (including the one above) and something bothered me. It looked too perfect. I mean, the pictures themselves are perfect. The lighting is just right, the smile flashy, the perfect pose achieved. And if I were on the outside looking in, I might feel jealous. Jealous of this perceived flawless life. A girl who eats healthy, feeds her kids healthy (who by all accounts enjoy eating foods that are green and right out of the ground), and is married to Superman. It’s not like I regularly write about what I struggle with. Let’s face it: no one likes a downer. We want uplifting, encouraging, simple. We all have enough problems to deal with in our own lives, we rarely want to read about someone else’s.
But I don’t want that. Yes, there is a part of me, the part of me that’s spelled P-R-I-D-E, that wants everyone to think I have it all together. But really, really, that’s not what I want. I know how I feel when I see a person or family who is the “epitome” of what I strive for. You know the ones–the ones who never yell at their kids, the ones who never eat junk food, the ones who go to sleep late and rise early, tending to household chores and spinning yarn. Or whatever it is that they do before their children rise to call them blessed. The ones you think about when you lay your head on your pillow at night and envy. The ones who come to mind when you look in the mirror, and when you fail miserably at something. But those ones don’t exist. They really don’t. It may seem like they do, but they don’t.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of perceived perfection. And I say “perceived” because it is just that–perceived. There is no perfection on this earth. Regardless of what anyone else believes, I truly believe in only one True Perfection, and that is my personal Savior. I know some of you may not believe in this Savior, but to me, He is real, He is true and He is the only one I should be striving to be.
Guess what? I yell at my kids. I leave dishes in the sink. I go many, many days without mopping my floors (oh, isn’t that what kids are for??) I can be selfish…and judgmental…and manipulative. Sometimes I take my kids to fast food (you don’t know how hard that was for me to write), and see the flaws of my father in myself. I wake up some mornings completely overwhelmed and depressed. Some days I look at the clock and it’s 4:30 and I have no idea what I’m going to make for dinner. And I stress out and wonder what the heck I’m going to come up with to fit Superman’s health needs and not spark a revolt from my children. Because, see, they don’t always like what I cook. They complain and whine and move their food around on their plates. And I still make them eat it. Isn’t that what moms are supposed to do?
So, there you have it. I’m not perfect. I’m not even close to it. If only you could see inside my mind and see all the things I struggle with, you would realize I speak the truth. You can enjoy my pictures, see my smile and read my happy-go-lucky posts. And all those things are genuine–I won’t pretend. But just know that I am just like you and I see my flaws and am often plagued by yearning for the “greener side”.
And now you know. I’m not perfect. And neither are you. We’re all just a big ol’ pot of messed up people who are trying to make ourselves as “normal” as we can. And I’m ok with that because I have a purpose deeper than myself, and that purpose is driven by my desire to become more like my Savior.
Now we can all be not perfect together!