First of all, I apologize ahead of time to those of you who are not religious or who do not believe in God. I truly share my heart in this post, and my heart is directly tied to my Lord, so there’s just no way I could write this without mentioning Him.
We all try it.
You know, being perfect.
We mean to do right, then do something wrong, then find ourselves filled with disappointment. And of course, we all know we’re not perfect. At least, I think we all know. Some of us may have a hard time accepting it, though. And most of us have a hard time letting others see that we are not, in fact, flawless.
I was looking at the pictures my sister-in-law took of us a few weeks ago (including the one above) and something bothered me. It looked too perfect. I mean, the pictures themselves are perfect. The lighting is just right, the smile flashy, the perfect pose achieved. And if I were on the outside looking in, I might feel jealous. Jealous of this perceived flawless life. A girl who eats healthy, feeds her kids healthy (who by all accounts enjoy eating foods that are green and right out of the ground), and is married to Superman. It’s not like I regularly write about what I struggle with. Let’s face it: no one likes a downer. We want uplifting, encouraging, simple. We all have enough problems to deal with in our own lives, we rarely want to read about someone else’s.
But I don’t want that. Yes, there is a part of me, the part of me that’s spelled P-R-I-D-E, that wants everyone to think I have it all together. But really, really, that’s not what I want. I know how I feel when I see a person or family who is the “epitome” of what I strive for. You know the ones–the ones who never yell at their kids, the ones who never eat junk food, the ones who go to sleep late and rise early, tending to household chores and spinning yarn. Or whatever it is that they do before their children rise to call them blessed. The ones you think about when you lay your head on your pillow at night and envy. The ones who come to mind when you look in the mirror, and when you fail miserably at something. But those ones don’t exist. They really don’t. It may seem like they do, but they don’t.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of perceived perfection. And I say “perceived” because it is just that–perceived. There is no perfection on this earth. Regardless of what anyone else believes, I truly believe in only one True Perfection, and that is my personal Savior. I know some of you may not believe in this Savior, but to me, He is real, He is true and He is the only one I should be striving to be.
Guess what? I yell at my kids. I leave dishes in the sink. I go many, many days without mopping my floors (oh, isn’t that what kids are for??) I can be selfish…and judgmental…and manipulative. Sometimes I take my kids to fast food (you don’t know how hard that was for me to write), and see the flaws of my father in myself. I wake up some mornings completely overwhelmed and depressed. Some days I look at the clock and it’s 4:30 and I have no idea what I’m going to make for dinner. And I stress out and wonder what the heck I’m going to come up with to fit Superman’s health needs and not spark a revolt from my children. Because, see, they don’t always like what I cook. They complain and whine and move their food around on their plates. And I still make them eat it. Isn’t that what moms are supposed to do?
So, there you have it. I’m not perfect. I’m not even close to it. If only you could see inside my mind and see all the things I struggle with, you would realize I speak the truth. You can enjoy my pictures, see my smile and read my happy-go-lucky posts. And all those things are genuine–I won’t pretend. But just know that I am just like you and I see my flaws and am often plagued by yearning for the “greener side”.
And now you know. I’m not perfect. And neither are you. We’re all just a big ol’ pot of messed up people who are trying to make ourselves as “normal” as we can. And I’m ok with that because I have a purpose deeper than myself, and that purpose is driven by my desire to become more like my Savior.
Now we can all be not perfect together!
Farm Fresh And Active says
I absolutely love this post! Thanks for you wisdom, open mind and sense of reality. I thought of Philippians 3:12 when I read this. Have a great day and thanks for your honesty and amazing blog!
Cyndye says
I don’t feel you should have apologized for your beliefs. I am of the mindset “do the best you can today and strive to do better the next” Thank you for sharing your struggles. It’s a reminder that we’re all not so different after all.
Heather says
In our now increasingly digital world, its easy to post (and view) people’s happier times and think something is amiss in your own life. I too am challenged by parenthood and achieving balance in my life. Thank you for sharing your struggles.
Pam says
Thank you so much for writing and sharing this!
Tonja says
NEVER apologize for your beliefs! I haven’t even read the post all the way through and had to say this…. People follow you for a reason and if they don’t believe what you believe, then they can read something else. I’ve never heard someone who does NOT believe in the saving grace of our Lord apologize for believing that. Pray on, sistah! 🙂
Sarah says
I love this post. It’s hilarious, because that is exactly what I was thinking of you when you posted that new picture. Also, I love that you are a fellow Christian/paleo person. Do you believe in the “day” is really an “age” account of Genesis too? Doesn’t matter, and not to exclude everyone else, it’s just nice to think there is a human in the world with my strange combination of beliefs.
Michelle says
Thankyou for sharing the honesty that comes from your heart! And yes, agreed with another post, never apologize for sharing your beliefs. Our God is a Great God and our Saviour helps us daily as we come to Him with our imperfections, our doubts, our insecurities…. I really don’t know how people can live this life, in this world without Him. I would be totally lost! I love your blog, your recipes… you have been such an inspiration. Thankyou!
Amber Price says
Perfect post. 🙂 Loved it and could have written almost all of that myself applying to my life. Except the healthy eating part. 🙂
Lindy says
Amen! Great post, Shanti 🙂
P.S. The picture really is adorable 🙂
Michelle Pedersen says
Funny to see Amber’s reply right above me because this made me think of her – quite a while back I remember her posting a picture of a room in her house – a room the kids had COMPLETELY destroyed with typical day-to-day kid mess. And it was to convey a similar message… “I am not perfect!” And I loved it! Just as much as I love this post today. I try to be a humble person rather than a person that the Lord sees fit to humble Himself, but sometimes it’s great to have a gentle reminder that we can do better! You are a beautiful person, Shanti!
“To the proud, the applause of the world rings in their ears; to the humble, the applause of heaven warms their hearts.” – Ezra Taft Benson
I hope you let yourself *feel* that applause – you’ve earned it. (((HUGS)))
Amy G says
Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m also with the others who don’t think you need to apologize for your beliefs. You can sign me, A Recovering Pharisee (who is also into eating clean with lots of kids and has the same Savior).
Tina Carey says
This is beautifully articulated :). And I laughed out loud! Never compare (it’s like poison), and certainly never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.
Colette Bell says
Oh thank you for this post!!!! I follow blogs like yours & think …”what am i doing wrong?” Thank you for being so honest. So refreshing! You have no need to apologize for your beliefs at all, I was raised Roman Catholic; it never called to me, I am a studying Buddhist & spiritual Christian, no one should ever apologize for their Religion, it’s part of who we are & the fundamental reason there should never be a fight over it either.
Kathy says
I so needed to read this today!! I just starting following your blog and others and I so badly want to do right by my children and their food allergies, but there are days I just want to order a pizza!!! I feel like such a failure on those days, because I eat the pizza and I make them allergy free pizza. It’s just so nice to hear that I am not the only one!! Thank you for that and all your wonderful recipes. My family and I are very thankful for your help on our journey!! May God bless you and your family!
AnnMarie says
Thank you very much for sharing this. I needed to hear it today.