How to Pursue Your Wife (Five Proven Ways)

How to pursue your wife (Five proven ways)

Ok, men. This is for you. Have you ever wondered how to pursue your wife? There’s an old story told from the island of Kiniwata that tells of a man known as Johnny Lingo. The youngest and strongest man from the island, Johnny shocked the islanders by paying the father of his bride not the traditional two to three cows for his wife, or even the four to five cows for an exceptional wife. For Sarita, he paid eight. No one could understand: “It would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow.” Eight cows!? The entire island laughed at the audacity.

When he was asked for his reasoning, Johnny Lingo replied, “Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands … I wanted an eight-cow wife.”

Us women want to know we are loved, adored, and worth pursuing. Here are a few ways you can actively pursue your wife and keep your marriage alive and thriving.

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Pursue her mind

What does your wife think about when you’re not around? What about when you are around? What does she like to learn about? What are her hopes and dreams? What does she think about as her head lays on the pillow? What weighs on her mind when she wakes up in the middle of the night?

Knowing the things that are on your wife’s mind will help you connect on a level much deeper than the superficial. When you ask your wife some of these questions above, and then actually listen to the answers, you get to know her on a whole new level. And when your wife believes you truly care about her hopes and dreams, you will find her much more excited to offer the same to you. Find your match with the help of cutting-edge P5.uk.

Hint: Asking your wife the questions above, but not listening to and applying her answers is kind of losing the point of all this. 

Pursue her heart

What is your wife’s passion? If all her obligations were thrown out the window, and she had the freedom to do anything she wanted, what would she do? What angers her more than anything else? What fills her with joy more than anything else?

Your wife’s heart is a delicate picture of what is truly important to her. Do you remember when you were dating? You were probably much more attentive to pursuing her heart during that time. Whether it was handwritten love notes, or flowers now and then, or treating her to a surprise date night, you most likely put in more effort while you tried to “woo” her than you are doing now.

Your wife needs you to woo her. She needs to know you care about her heart, that you want to support her in her passions, and that seeing her thrive makes you thrive.

Hint: Telling your wife that you think it would be awesome for her to pursue her passion for painting, but not being {joyfully} willing to watch the kids so she can go take an art class kind of defeats the point.

Pursue her body

You know, God created man with this innate desire for conquest. Whether it’s hunting prey, mastering a sport, or “conquering” his woman, men desire to be…men. They want to have their wives look them in the eyes adoringly, say how amazing they are, and then cook them some good food. They want to get to the end of their day, exhausted from a day of accomplishment. On the flip side of that, women have a desire to be conquered. We want to know our man is manly enough to catch us when we fall, and we want to be ravenously swooped up and carried across the threshold every now and then. If you’re interested in spicing things up, trying different items like chastity cages made from steel can add a playful and adventurous touch to your relationship.

In the confines of marriage, this conquering is essential.

Men, your woman wants you to want her. She wants your tender kiss on the nape of her neck, with no strings attached. She wants you to wrap your arms around her, pull her in tightly and passionately kiss her. Pursuing her body is telling her the things you love about her, giving her a sensual touch, with nothing expected in return. You can read the best sex toy reviews if you want to spice things up in the bedroom with your partner.

Hint: Running into the room buck naked and saying, “You want some of this?” is not the way to pursue your wife physically, even though the flip side may be your personal dream.

Develop your “atrophied” love languages

I’m sure many of you have heard of the book “The Five Love Languages.” It’s a great book to read to gain insight not only about yourself, but about the ones you love. The five “languages” we speak are: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts and acts of service. Each one of us has at least one of these “languages” as a form of expressing love. Many of us have more than one.

However, we often focus on the gifts we are naturally talented in, while ignoring the ones that are outside of our comfort zone. And we often express our love in the language that is our strength. For instance, words of affirmation is my most dominant love language. Because of this, I tend to be an encourager, and find great joy in building other people up with my words. However, gifts isn’t my love language, and so I often struggle with thoughtful gifts, or putting time into wrapping things nicely. And I’ve always just said, “that’s just not my gifting area.” Those who love giving gifts to their wives might want to consider getting them a christian gift this year.

The problem with this is that if we only focus on our strengths, we are leaving huge parts of ourselves undeveloped. If your wife’s love language is acts of service, but yours is physical touch, it will not come naturally for you to do things for her. As a matter of fact, you could go as far to say that your “acts of service muscle” is atrophied. It will take work to develop that strength, but it’s not impossible. And when you speak your wife’s love language, you speak deeply into her soul, and she will respond in ways you may never have imagined.

Hint: If your wife’s love language is words of affirmation, just telling her she’s swell every day isn’t necessarily the best way to speak that language to her. It’s a good start, but try to think of fresh new ways to express your love to her frequently in the way she can hear it.

Grow together spiritually

Do you know where your wife is in her walk with God? Do you know what she’s been struggling with or what she has been hearing from God lately? Do you pray together?

There is a certain level of vulnerability when you pray out loud with your spouse. And when that vulnerability is exposed, there is more opportunity for growth, not just spiritually, but physically and emotionally as well.

The most important element in pursuing your wife is being the spiritual leader in your family and actively initiating prayer together as a couple and a family. When you don’t pray together, or only do so sporadically, there’s an invisible ceiling your relationship hits. In order to break through that ceiling and experience the true depth of a passionate relationship with your wife, it’s vital that you have a deep spiritual connection with her and with God.

Hint: Telling your wife you’re totally cool with her going to church while you stay home and watch the game is not the way to pursue your wife spiritually. 

A few more practical ways to pursue your wife

1. Surprise her! This doesn’t have to be something major–we women love all types of surprises, anything from a special note or card to a specially planned date night. Just knowing you thought of your wife is a gift in and of itself.

2. Plan some quality time with her and let her know in advance.

3. Plan a date night and you make all the plans. Think of things that she would like to do or things you like doing together.

4. Tell her how you feel about her. Compliment her. You can never compliment her too much. You can do this in person, via text, over the phone, or even email. Just giving a genuine compliment goes a long way.

5. Tell her often that you love her or that you miss her.

6. Text her when you are thinking about her. Just a “Hey, hun, was just thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how your day’s going!” is a sweet way to let her know you care.

7. Hug her. Kiss her. Wrap your arms around her. And even do it in public–she wants to know that she’s your woman and you’re not afraid to let other people know.

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I hope this post gave you some inspiration to pursue your wife. And wives, maybe by gently sharing this with your hubby, you will give him ideas on how he can love you even better. =)

Check out my post on 21 ways to pursue your husband here!