Dear Mom: It’s OK to Have a Bad Day

Dear Mom: It’s OK to have a bad day

The other day I shared on Facebook that I had a melancholy day. I also shared how I have learned that just letting my emotions be what they are is better for me in the long run; that it’s OK to have a bad day:

This morning I woke up feeling discouraged. I had no valid reason; life is good. I just felt…melancholy. My natural response is to just shove that aside and move on with my day. But I have learned that allowing my emotions to just be what they are without having to distract myself is much better for me in the long run. I asked God not to take away my feelings of sadness, but to walk with me through them. I went on my run and as I looked out over the horizon I could see fog settled in just above the tree line. I was reminded that the fog is only temporary. As soon as the sun rose, the fog would burn off and the sun would shine through. Even though I feel discouraged today for no apparent reason, I know there is a purpose. And I also know that if I allow Jesus to walk with me through that fog, it will eventually lift and the sun will shine through! Praying if you have “fog” in your life today, you will wait in it with Jesus until he burns it away with His light.

It got me to thinking about how important it is for our kids to see that mom has bad days, too.

Sometimes as moms, we feel like we need to hide our emotions from our kids. We don’t want them to be burdened if we feel sad, we don’t want to talk to them about why we feel irritated or angry. Sometimes we are just irritated for no apparent reason (PMS, anyone?) and our kids get the brunt of it. And we sure as heck feel guilty if we have a “bad” day. Sometimes we are inadvertently and mistakenly teaching our kids that we’re perfect. Which of course, we are not. 

But our kids need to know that it’s ok to have a bad day. It’s ok to not have an explanation for why we feel the way we do. It’s ok to sometimes just feel like curling up under a blanket with a good book, in a corner of the house where no one will find you. It’s ok to sometimes want to shirk all responsibilities and just watch a sappy chick flick. Because that’s normal. No one has a good day every day, and if our kids don’t see us model how to have a bad day, they will struggle as they get older.

When I had this melancholy day, I noticed that I felt irritated with my kids. Everything they did was bugging me. The tone of their voices, the running around, the mess they were leaving in their wake. The “old” me would have just had a bad day. I would have probably yelled at my kids and suffered through the day, with no explanation to them for why I had a short fuse. But the “new” me has a different tactic.

I was just honest with my kids. 

I sat them down and told them:

You know what, you guys? I feel kind of sad today. I don’t know why, but I do. I just woke up feeling this way. Does that ever happen to any of you? 

A few of them nodded their head yes. I continued,

Sometimes I just feed kinda bummed out, and I have no explanation. It used to be that I would try to pretend I didn’t feel that way, and it would make me feel even more frustrated. And a lot of times, I would eat sugar to help me feel better. At least I thought it would make me feel better. But it only lasted for a little while, and then that sadness would return. I wanted to tell you that instead of pretending it’s not there, I ask Jesus to walk with me through it now. Because I think He wants us to feel the feelings we do. What are some things you guys do to distract yourself from feeling sad?

Then, it was like popcorn: “Watch TV!” “Go play outside!” “Play video games!”

I told them,

I want you guys to know that I don’t ever want you to try to distract yourself from your feelings. When you’re feeling down, try to thank God for a few things good in your life. But don’t feel like it’s bad to feel sad. It’s not an excuse to just be mean to people, but maybe be honest and tell them that you’re not quite yourself today.

Today, I’m having a kind of “off” day. And I am going to do my best not to let that affect you, but I may not be as patient as I am other days. So if you can have a little grace with me today, I would appreciate it so much!

They all gave me hugs. Every one of them.

And so, instead of having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, it was an ok day.

So, embrace your “bad day.” It’s not an excuse to crawl into a cave and hide from the world, but you can at least acknowledge that you feel the way you do. Thank God for a few of the good things in your life. Tell your kids the truth. And then ask Jesus to walk with you through it.

Because the hard days will come. You don’t need to run from them. Head right into them, knowing you’ve got Jesus at your side, holding your hand. Because that is the best example you can give to your children.