Why it’s ok to say “no” to volunteering in your child’s class

I have this guilt thing. Tell me I’m not alone. You know, you get a note from your child’s teacher saying they need help on Friday at a field trip. Or there’s a class party coming up, and someone needs to work at the stations. And then, guilt sets in. You are torn between helping out your child’s teacher (who is a saint for managing 20 first graders) and the household chores you’ve been delaying. You look at the pile of laundry on your bed, the dishes stacked in the sink, and the dust bunnies huddled along the baseboards, and you think, Ugh, how am I going to have time to do all this??

So, you sign up to bring cookies and man the cookie decorating station. And then you realize, Shoot. I’ve gotta actually bake those cookies now! 

The laundry is left for another day.

The dust bunnies snuggle together, knowing they’ve got some time. And the food on the dishes just gets caked on even more. As you drive to school to volunteer, you realize you forgot to plan dinner. You didn’t think ahead and thaw something. You didn’t throw something in the crock pot. And the stress of what’s for dinner weighs on you as you bound through your child’s classroom door, beaming with strained excitement so you look like you’re thrilled to be there.

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When we started the school year, Superman told me I was allowed to volunteer in my kids’ classes one time each semester. Whether that was a field trip or a class party didn’t matter: one time. That would mean in a 4-month period, I would be at their school a total of five times (ya know…five kids and all). His reasoning? We put our kids in school in large part because I was burned out and done homeschooling (oh, and God made it abundantly clear that it was time). If I started volunteering multiple days a week, that would be defeating the purpose of putting our kids in school.

I have to admit, this was hard for me to stomach.

One time per child?? What would the teacher think of me? What would the other moms think of me? I mean, I stay home…what excuse did I have? Confession: I’ve kind of broken that rule, and have volunteered multiple times. There’s something so incredibly satisfying about serving your family and friends a perfectly cooked meal. And nothing says perfectly cooked like sweet and tender meat the just falls right off the bone, full of delicious smokey flavor. A great kamado grill such as one of these best kamado grills can get you that. The post is helpful in directing you towards the best kamado grill for your particular needs. We’ve looked at a big variety of grills, made from different materials and of various sizes, some with stands, others stand-alone, and in a range of prices. It’s my hope that you found what you need. I’m trying my best, though.

But last week, I realized just why it’s so important that I don’t become so wrapped up in my kids’ school that I lose the joys of having them there and enjoying the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom.

I didn’t plan anything for last Friday. I had decided to surprise my kids with a fancy dinner, and I used the whole day to prep food and decorate the table.

When the kids came home, I had the lights dimmed, candles lit, and classical music playing. I had planned a 4-course meal, with appetizers, an entree and dessert. It was wonderful.

Superman pointed out (as he sipped his fancy drink and raved about such a wonderful meal) that had I been gone that day volunteering in one of my kids’ classes, I wouldn’t have been able to give my kids that blessing. The reason I stay home is so that I can do things like this for my kids. It’s so that I can keep my house in order {somewhat}. It’s so that I can have homemade cookies for them when they come home. It’s so that I can make our home a safe haven for them and Superman to come back to each day, knowing that no matter what is going on out in the world, once they walk through that door, there is comfort.

It’s OK to say no

So you know what? It’s OK to say no. Maybe you’re a working mom. Even more reason to say no sometimes. It doesn’t mean that you can’t ever help in your child’s class, but while your kids will love having you help their teacher, they may love coming home to a relaxed, non-stressed mom even more.

If working in the class doesn’t stress you out, and you’re an excellent planner who is never flying by the seat of her pants, more power to you. But if you’re like me, and the pressure of what others may think is a constant whisper in your ear (did I ever tell you I’m a recovering people-pleaser?), it may be time to let that burden go. Be OK using your day to catch up on all your responsibilities, so that your kids get the best mom. I’m telling you from firsthand experience, saying no has been a lifesaver for me!

So, do you feel mom guilt?