Superman started getting a few sprinklings of grey on his head a few years ago. The last six months, I’ve noticed it’s increased, though. The other day I was cutting his hair (actually, just buzzing it with the clippers), and I thought about what those grey hairs symbolized. And I decided I love my man’s grey hair.
It means we’ve been together a long time
Superman and I were married young. I turned 20 ten days before our wedding, he turned 20 eight days after. There were a lot of people who expressed their concerns about us tying the knot so young: You’ll get pregnant! You’ll drop out of college! You won’t be able to “find yourself!” But getting married young meant that Superman and I got to grow up together. Literally. We never even had the chance to have separate bank accounts or become set in our ways, because we were pretty much kids when we said “I do.”
Looking at that dusting of grey hair on his head means we’ve walked through much difficulty together: illnesses, deaths in the family, crazy Vegan people verbally attacking us. It also means we’ve experienced much joy together: children, personal and professional successes, and a depth of relationship that can only be achieved with time.
We’ve been together 20 years now, and married for 18, which means we’ve been together for more than half our lives. We’ve walked through thick and thin, and Superman’s grey hair is a beautiful symbol of that precious time.
It means he’s wiser
With age comes wisdom, and wisdom exemplifies my man. He’s been wise since he was young, but there is a certain wisdom that can only be attained with life experience. When we’re in our 20s, we think we know it all. But we’re also often self-conscious, struggling to “find ourselves,” and waste a lot of time trying to “fit in.” When we’re in our 30s, we become more confident, often start to settle down, and shift our focus from ourselves to others (kids, extended family, etc.). In our 40s and beyond, a certain “comfort” happens. We become more content with who we are, are able to see the mistakes we made in our younger years, and apply the lessons learned to our lives.
The grey hair on Superman’s head means that he has reached an age where he is able to see the world with a more panoramic view. He doesn’t have a limited perspective; he has experienced much in life that gives him an understanding that we just couldn’t have in our youth.
It means he’s a better husband and father
I always say, our kids are an experiment. We pretty much have no idea what we’re doing. Especially with our firstborn. We’re fumbling our way through, doing our best to shape our kids into the young adults we hope and pray they will be: people who love God and love others.
Those spatterings of grey hair on Superman’s head means he’s had years of experience. Sure, our kids haven’t flown out of the nest yet, but I would say we are better parents today than we were when we first started out. We’ve realized that we can’t force our kids into boxes. We’ve realized each of our children is unique and special, and built with certain tendencies that we can’t change. And that is a big relief when you realize that as a parent.
Superman is a much more relaxed parent now that he’s been doing it awhile. There are a lot of challenges being adoptive parents, but most of those challenges are completely out of our control. And being on the other side of trying to control them is a much better place to be.
It means we’re growing old together
I don’t look forward to growing old. Menopause, aches and pains, deaths of friends…it all sounds very daunting. But something about growing old with my best friend and partner in life makes the thought of slowing down more bearable.
Superman’s grey hairs mean we’re moving into a new phase of life. Soon we’ll be in the throws of parenting teenagers, then empty nesters, then {Lord willing} grandparents, and great-grandparents. And I hope we get to do it all together.
Oh, and my grey hair? Well, I try to make sure there is none since I color my hair. I suppose all of the above could apply to me, too…but for some reason, grey hair is regal and distinguished on my man, but just not the same on me. So for now, I’ll keep pretending there’s no grey under the brunette, cuz I still feel like I’m in my 20s. =)
Habib Faruk Himel says
This is an amazing post, however my stipulation is that gray hair doesn’t have to relate to an individual’s personality or his parenting skills, I get what the post is aiming for and on an overall basis I really liked what I read. We should all embrace the changes that we go through instead of trying to hide from them.