Today, I received this comment from a woman named April on my post about my experience with Stitch Fix:
“This is the most superficial post ever. As a Christian woman, it grieves me to see a person “of faith” like you caring about your outward appearance. How disappointing. Jesus doesn’t care about our looks, He cares about our heart. And you have just shown that your heart is shallow and self-centered. You are an awful example to young girls and perpetuating the lie that appearance matters.”
If you like to wear t-shirts or you are planning an activity and you need a few, remember that metallic ink screen printing can be used to highlight other colors on a t-shirt such as white, silver, bronze, or a range of pale colors that pick up light just as well.
Ouch.
It’s ok. I’ve been called a lot of names the last few years, and I’ve learned that neither my confidence nor my identity rely on the approval of others.
I was thinking about this woman’s comment, though, and how her opinion is probably not too far off from many Christian opinions about how concerned we should be with what we wear. I think too often, we look at a woman’s outward appearance, and conclude that if she wears makeup or high heels or has her hair done, she must be one-dimensional, superficial or conceited. After all, the Bible does say,
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” {Matt. 6:25}
Seems pretty straightforward, right? But I don’t think Jesus is saying that we shouldn’t care about what we wear, rather we shouldn’t worry about our future–we shouldn’t devote our energies to agonizing about what is going to happen years down the road. By worrying about such things, we are denying the power of God, and admitting that we do not fully trust Him to provide for our basic needs. We are here to love, worship and serve God and represent Him here on earth. Our bodies are intended to be our servants, not our masters. I truly believe God wants his ambassadors to reflect Him in a magnificent way; He is, after all, a God of beauty.
So as a Christian woman, should I care about what I wear? Or is that narcissistic?
It depends.
First, why do you care about what you are wearing? Is it because you desperately want approval from those around you? Is it because you seek comfort and satisfaction in what you wear, instead of in God?
Or, as is my case, do you want your outsides to be a tangible reflection of what’s going on inside?
Friends, this is where my passion lies. As I’ve written before, since healing my heart, a new part of my soul awakened. And it doesn’t want to hide under a t-shirt and jeans anymore.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord” {Colossians 3:23)
I think we have a duty to take care of ourselves as women. I honestly believe it brings God great joy when I am represent Him to the best of my ability. I care about what I wear because I care about how I represent Christ. It doesn’t mean that I should flaunt myself or wear revealing clothes or seek attention from other people.
When I was younger, I think that was my motive. I was so self-conscious and such a people-pleaser, that I just wanted the approval of my peers. And I think that’s a sin.
But now? Now, when I wake up and decide what to put on, I often ask Jesus, “What do you think I should wear today to reflect your glory?” May seem superficial, but I believe when our relationship with God is so personal, so intimate, as if He is our best friend, He cares about even the “mundane” things in our lives. He longs for that kind of relationship with us–one where we ask His opinion, take His advice, and yearn for His influence. He finds joy in the things we find joy in. I find joy in wearing a flattering pink ribbed knit bandeau top or a stunning cocktail dress from Peaches Boutique that boosts my confidence or fashionable eyewear from sites like Eyeglasses.com.
And so, April, I am sorry that you believe that by me finding joy in bright colors, flowing dresses or a charming necklace, I am somehow less of a Christian than you. Because I think you’re missing out on a whole other realm in your relationship with Jesus.
My Jesus loves my heart, this I know. And my heart is deeply rooted in Him.
My only prayer is that when someone sees my outward beauty, they will merely see the reflection of Jesus bursting forth from my heart.
Sarah Malone says
Oh my gosh, I love this so much. I get so sick of hearing judgmental opinions from Christians, especially about what women wear. I agree–our outward appearance should be a reflection of our heart, and if that means you love to wear fun, fashionable things, more power to you!
Shanti Landon says
Thank you, Sarah!
Chandra says
Um, I think you’re just trying to justify your own superficiality. Way to try to make excuses.
Shanti Landon says
I’m sorry you feel that way, Chandra. Praying for your heart to be filled with the love of Jesus!
Malik says
I sort of agree with you, Chandra.
Jodie says
As a women who has struggled most of her life with body image and speaks on the topic of seeing ourselves through God’s eyes versus the worlds I had to read todays post when I saw the title. Then I had to go read your stich fit post. Then I had to ponder. I really enjoy cute clothes! Cute shoes! Cute jewelry! I like cute! Now, should Christians care about fashion? I’m with you on your answer Shanti…it’s depends. It depends on my heart’s posture. Do I care because I want to meet the world’s standards or draw attention to myself? Or do I care because I want to present myself in such a manner that says I am daughter of a King and I’m doing all that I am to glorify Him? Now I don’t need cute shoes to tell others about Jesus but sometime that’s the very thing that He will use to break down a wall and open a door into a deeper conversation! He’s so good like that! I put all kinds of “fashion” on for this purpose! I put on my running shoes and shorts to go out and teach others about Christ. I put on my cute shoes and jeans to go out and spread the Word. And I put on my slippers and invite others into my home to teach bible study…all for Him. I also know that one pair and sandals and one shirt is all He asked the disciples to take with them in Mark 6, so if need be I’ll narrow my closet down at His prompting 🙂 I’ve followed you longer than one post and even in looking at your one post on Stich Fit I am not disappointed. You never portray anything to me other than a girl loved by the King who in turn spends her time loving others! (And I’m going to take a peek at Stich Fit…you happen to be the second Christian blogger, author, speaker that I’ve seen share about it and now I’m curious!) Love you!
Shanti Landon says
Thank you, Jodie! Love your words! You are so naturally radiant for Christ, and it’s evident in everything you do!!
joyce says
I sense the Lord is grieved when we allow ourselves to be so distracted by such legalities. It could go on forever…I’d this alright..is that alright? Have we grasped the true concept of grace when we feel the need to criticize and nit pic so much? No, Grace is not a ticket to throw all rules out, but rather such a love and overpowering sense of gratitude and joy that we have room for nothing else but to focus on Jesus and strive to glorify Him. He will show me what I need to do, but he seldom tells me what someone else should do. Are we striving to save souls or merely to prove a point…prove our “rightness”? Above all, show kindness…even when you comment on a differing opinion.
Shanti Landon says
Yes! Beautifully said, Joyce!
Jodie says
Agreed Joyce! It’s all about grace! You’re going to make me sing!
Kari says
The Proverbs 31 woman made sure her family was clothed in scarlet, and she herself wore fine linen and purple. Also, in the NT, Lydia, “a worshiper of God” sold purple linen.
In the Old Testament, Rebekah was given a nose ring and bracelets when Abrahams servant found her and chose her as Isaacs wife. Then he worshiped the Lord.
The Israelites donated their gold and silver and jewelry to the building of the temple. And we know how beautiful and Glorious the temple was!
Joseph was given a coat of many colors. And the prodigal son was given a beautiful robe and a ring when he returned.
Solomon extols the beauty of his bride and mentions her lovely adornments.
Lucifer was a most glorious creature with jewels and gold adorning him. He was incredibly lovely. But his pride in his beauty is what caused his downfall.
All through the OT there is great mention of jewels and beautiful clothes. They were oftentimes God’s blessing on His people!
I think God loves beauty–just looking at creation is enough to realize that.
There is nothing wrong with desiring to wear beautiful things, just like there is nothing especially spiritual in itself by wearing a burlap sack or never wearing colorful clothing.
That’s all outward–our hearts are what is most important. I’ve known horrible women who dressed beautifully. I’ve also known horrible women who only wore frumpy Jean dresses and stringy hair pulled back in a pony tail.
We should seek, above all else, the adornments of grace, gentleness , a meek and quiet spirit, humility, kindness, patience…..etc.
That is beautiful, and it’s the kind of beautiful that doesn’t fade. If those things happens to be found in a woman wearing a red dress, curled hair, and earrings, then awesome! As long as we aren’t being prideful, and wanting to show off our bodies, then modest adornments and the desire for beauty seems to be totally acceptable. Its all about God.
And I think that’s what the author was saying.
Maybe the adornment of judgmental attitudes toward a fellow sister is something the negative commenters need to deal with. 🙂
Shanti Landon says
Thank you, Kari! Love that!
Kelly says
I was preparing my response, but Kari beat me to it. 🙂 I see nothing in scripture that would cause me to think our Father desires us to be drab and colorless, both in dress and personality. Why would the same God who paints the sky with color, the oceans with the richest blues and adorns the flowers of the fields then desire His followers to not reflect His beauty? I’m not speaking of focusing more on our outward appearance than our hearts, but there is a balance to be found here. Well said, Shanti!
Tina J. says
I am a woman that doesn’t wear make-up, loves comfortable clothes, doesn’t love dresses & high heels. I have a relationship with Jesus and love the all natural, modest look. I dress for comfort, not for style. God doesn’t condemn those that love style, as long as the have a loving relationship with Him and know that He comes first, not what’s in their closet.
Shanti Landon says
Oh, Tina, I hope I didn’t make it sound like *every* woman should care about fashion. I just wanted to point out that it’s not sinful to care. You are absolutely beautiful inside and out, and I love you just the way you are!
Jeanne says
I think you’re great. You’re outside should reflect how you feel on the inside. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and taking pride in your appearance. As a sahm mom I am usually in workout clothes and a ponytail. My cute shoes and clothes have been replaced with workout clothes, sweats, running shoes and flip flops. I know other sahm that have used stitch fix to get them back to normal dress after being home for so long. I go to a store and just look and around and feel out of place when I have to shop (unless it’s Target). Besides I just feel better when I get a shower and get dressed in “real clothes” and put on a little makeup even if I’m not going anywhere.
Shanti Landon says
Thanks, Jeanne! I bet you are beautiful no matter what you’re wearing!
Brenda says
There’s a difference in “creating your own style” and going overboard. One’s “style” is what makes them unique. It may be jeans, a t-shirt & running shoes or that cute little red dress in the window with the matching heels. Style is up to interpretation. I don’t believe God wants us looking like we just stepped out of the latest high fashion magazine or to the other extreme, constantly clothed in sack cloth and ashes. He wants us to shine as who we are and as an extension of Him, and our relationship with Him. I think the word “style” has been so over used though and makes so many think of Hollywood because so much has been shoved down our throats. Skimpy dresses or those with necklines cut down to the navel or slits down the legs or the “nude look” . . . there is no modesty and self respect showing. How can anyone take that appearance as saying they have a good relationship with our Lord? However, there is no problem with looking good on the outside to reflect the wonder of what’s on the inside. Many times clothes themselves are more a reflection of what we feel on the inside. Sorry, but appearance does matter if you have all the right reasons for how you’re dressed.
Brenda says
Besides, sharing styling tips doesn’t mean strictly dressing for high fashion. It can also be for sharing tips on dressing appropriately for situations and learning to dress modestly. How will young girls (and guys too) learn appropriate dress and learn to show self-respect in what they wear if not for those giving guidance?
Carol says
Shanti,
I enjoyed your post on Stitch Fix. I have been doing it and love it because I’m not a big shopper. I have enjoyed wearing items that I would not normally purchase.
So…. Just some thoughts on comments made about how our appearance does not matter, waste of time, not spiritual etc. I was a hairdresser for many years before children so fashion, hair and makeup was my ‘job’. There is nothing better than helping women feel good about their appearance! When I feel good about myself, my husband is much happier too! He loves it when I take care of myself, wear cute clothes, do my hair and makeup, and he tells me
” You look so beautiful!” Now I know I’m going to get yelled at for this, but do you think husbands love it when their wife is always frumpy looking? NO! Okay, I said it. Of course, I know my husband loves me when I’m in my sweats etc, but in general, he likes it when I look good for him. And I’m am married to a fabulous man.❤️?
Sherrin says
I’m sorry that someone made you feel bad about enjoying pretty things. 🙁 Listen, God made people in general to love beauty. And women especially seem to enjoy making themselves and their surroundings beautiful (whatever that means to them).
Don’t apologize for being what God created you to be, in my opinion. We all have to find that balance between vanity and simple enjoyment of a lovely color or a swingy dress that feels nice.
In the big picture I don’t think God cares what I wear unless it’s revealing/immodest. I wear what I think looks appropriate for work and makes me feel good. Then I can forget about looks and work! And the same for all the other things in life I do.
Just as an aside, some of the vainest, most condescending women I’ve ever known were apostolic folks who took extreme pride in their uncut hair, bare faces, and skirts at all times. It’s what is in your heart that matters, like you said! 🙂
Mary says
Shanti,
Thank you for your work. People like me struggle to put pieces together as outfits or to know what necklace would look best with a neckline etc…
You are a decorator of sorts…helping other women to refine their appearance similar to how a decorator can easily see how a room could look more beautiful.
I suppose making our home look beautiful or our garden is shallow too…and God forbid you’re a food stylist and want the presentation to be lovely! then you’re worrying about what you’ll eat right? And you better not work out either or you’re selfishly worrying about your appearance…Oop and no makeup!!!
The message of the verse is that our trust should lie wholeheartedly in a God who loves the tiniest and seemingly most unimportant creatures and creations of his…And is a declaration of how much more he values us…
I think God appreciates art in whatever form it is…this happens to be yours.
And if I hear one more christian woman who states that she doesn’t have to take care of herself for her husband because he should love what’s inside! and so she lets herself go…to me that’s not honoring your husband.
My husband always appreciates when I look pretty…It says I care and so it is good for our relationship…so how “bout some verses on that?
Thank you for your work. Carry on…try to slough off comments from people who make broad judgements. Maybe she would like us all in birkas.
Their problem with you is exactly that…their problem…
Mary
Kacey says
I liked reading this and I appreciate your perspective. I personally differ just in that I don’t pray about “the little things” like what I’m going to wear or asking God for a good parking space. I know that Jesus desires an intimate relationship with each of us, but for me, I don’t feel right about bringing trivial things before the Lord. I know that His attention is infinite and that I’m not distracting him from world peace and hunger by praying about these things, but it’s more of a matter of respect. Because he is the Almighty God who holds the universe in His hands, I want to approach Him with reverence and I think there are plenty of things of eternal weight that I need to speak with Him about. That being said, I do care about how I present myself and I definitely have a personal style. I think there is nothing un-Godly about enjoying fashion and dressing in a way that makes us feel beautiful on the outside. I think you said it very well that it comes down to where your motivation lies. If you know your heart is right with the Lord, why not enjoy fun things like fashion? Don’t let anyone else’s opinion bring you down. I am new to your blog, but I think it’s clear that you love the Lord and desire to glorify Him.