Dear Mom: Stop second guessing yourself

Dear Mom,

Stop second-guessing yourself..

Over the past few days, I’ve re-learned that every person has an opinion. I’ve been reminded that no matter how much people might point fingers and condemn us for the way we parent, no one does it more than we do it to ourselves. After sharing the journey of our son’s diagnosis with ADHD, I’ve received comments in support, encouragement from other moms, and a lot of judgmental finger pointing. I’m not talking about differing opinions, I’m talking about people informing me that I am doing wrong by my son. That I will regret my decision. That I haven’t researched enough. And that I need to learn how to parent better. That I need to, in fact, “take a look at my own reflection instead of trying to fix my child.”

All from people who don’t know me. 

I have to be honest, it kinda hurt. Now, I knew that by putting my story out there, I was opening the door for other people to share their feelings. I acknowledge that. And as much as I’d like to say I have thick skin and can let people’s opinion of me roll off my shoulders, I still second guessed myself. I’m kind of a people-pleaser. I’m working on that.

And I realized, I think as moms we do that second-guessing a lot.

We feel good about a direction we’re heading, until someone holds up a “wrong way” sign in front of our face. And then, no matter how confident we were, we start to question ourselves. 

Moms, don’t let anyone else trump your opinion of what is best for your child. 

You know your child better than anyone else. 

You know what makes them tick, what makes them hurt, what makes them passionate and excited and joyful. 

We shouldn’t tell another mom how to parent, because we don’t know her child. At least, not like she does. And we don’t know what shoes she’s walking in that day. 

I might be able to say, “Never give your child processed foods…or candy with food dye…or GMOs.” But you know what? Sometimes that’s the most viable option I have. And if I see a mom giving her child Skittles in the grocery line, I shouldn’t pass judgment. What good does that do? 

We have so much pressure on us to be the best: the best wife, the best mom, the best cook, the best friend, the best lover, the best…everything. We can’t be. 

We cannot be the best everything. And we shouldn’t try.

We should try to do the best we can, with what we have. And we should assume that every other mom is doing the same. 

We moms have enough negative voices in our minds telling us how we’re failing–we don’t need others to contribute to that by pointing out our mistakes and judging our decisions.

As our kids’ golf instructor always says, “Err on the side of generosity.” 

Mom, you are doing a bang-up job. You’re a superhero. You keep doing what you’re doing:
Loving on your kids.
Laughing with your kids.
Telling your kids you love them. 
Comforting their hurts, encouraging them, disciplining them, molding them, hugging them, kissing them, helping them grow into the adults they will one day be.

Stop second-guessing yourself, because you know what’s best for your child.