You can read Part One of this series HERE.
After receiving an “official” diagnosis of ADHD, I kind of felt like I did when Superman got a diagnosis of celiac disease: relieved. For years, I had questioned myself as a mom. I would look at my son and think, “What the heck am I doing wrong?? I am such a failure. I can’t even control my own son.” I felt like I was going crazy sometimes and that maybe I was imagining the problems or exaggerating them. People outside our family never seemed to understand. But hearing from the therapist was like a breath of fresh air.
She said to me, “It’s exhausting parenting a child with ADHD. You probably blame yourself for your son’s behaviors, but don’t. You are doing the best you can with the tools that you have. My goal is to help take some of that burden from you and give you more tools in your tool belt to pull from when you need them.”
I pretty much stopped listening at “It’s exhausting parenting a child with ADHD…” because yes. Because I was sapped. Bone-weary. Dog-tired. Run down, worn out and beat. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and cry. She understood.
After the diagnosis, we waited for an appointment with the pediatrician. He informed us that it may take some trial and error to come up with the best ADHD meds for our son, and that we would need to be patient in the process.
First, we tried Concerta. It was awful. Our son, who was already an emotional kid, became this blubbering mess of anger and tears. If I even looked at him sideways, he would burst into tears and flip out. We stuck with it for a few weeks, until I called the pediatrician and begged him to give us something different. Concerta was making our son worse than he had been.
Then we tried Adderall. The doctor said we should know within an hour whether it was working or not.
HO. LEE. COW.
I don’t even really know how to put into words the difference Adderall has made in my son’s life. Remember how I said he was an instigator? Well, that pretty much went away. Remember how I said he was the last one to fall asleep and the first one to wake? He started to fall asleep in a reasonable amount of time, and sleep in in the morning. Remember how I said he was like a cancer in our family? All of the sudden, this child, who I had struggled with for years, was a joy to be around. I would ask him to do something, and he would say, “ok!” instead of immediately putting up a wall of defense around him. He would just randomly come up to me and give me a hug. It was like the child we always hoped and prayed was in him finally sprouted.
I felt relieved. Not just for myself, but for him.
He was content. Relaxed. Not like a robot, but he was just at peace.
It was amazing.
Now, we’re six months out from when he started on Adderall. My son is still doing amazing. He has his days, just like anyone else, but I can’t say enough about how much better our quality of life is.
Initially, I would remind him to take his pill every morning. But after about a month, I realized, eventually he was going to need to take ownership for his body, and I told him it was his responsibility to remember to take it each morning. If he missed the window of opportunity, he would not be able to take his meds that day, and would have to suffer whatever consequences his behavior caused. The first few weeks were rough–he forgot multiple times, even though it was written on a piece of paper with the rest of his chores. He got in trouble. He got mad. But eventually, he realized, he felt so much better when he took his pill.
And he decided it was worth it to figure out a way to remember.
He still occasionally forgets, but I would say 90% of the time, he remembers on his own, and that makes me so proud.
He also lost 20 pounds. Twenty. Now, in my other kids, I would probably be concerned about the weight loss. But it seemed as though before my son started on meds, he didn’t have the switch in his brain to tell him when to stop eating. He would just keep going and going and going. He’d have thirds or fourths at meal time. Now, he eats a serving, maybe seconds, and is full. And he loves the way he feels and looks. He can run around and not feel out of breath.
Putting our son on ADHD meds was probably one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. It was a hard, long, tough road to get to the point where we even felt like we could explore that possibility. But I am so glad we did.
I know there are a lot of people out there who will not agree with our decision, and I welcome your comments, but please, please be respectful. We are only doing what we truly, truly feel is best for our son.
I don’t believe meds are the answer for everyone. Sometimes diet is enough. Sometimes essential oils or other alternative methods are enough. But for us? In this particular case, it wasn’t.
Do you have a child with ADHD? Please share your story with me. It’s comforting to know there are other mamas out there struggling. Let’s stick together!
Have questions? Shoot away!
Megan says
Oh, give me a break. Maybe your son is behaving better because you’re treating him nicer. Seriously, I liked what that commenter said on your first post–maybe you need to take a look at your own reflection.
Pam says
If you knew Shanti personally you would see that she is a great mom. Or maybe you just prefer to throw stones? If you figure out how being nice can cure mental disorders, I know some people you can go be nice to.
Life Made Full says
Thanks, Pam. <3
amy bognar says
That’s nasty and obviously from someone who doesn’t understand or want to understand mental health. I’m a mother of 3 beautiful children and a wife of a understanding man. I have struggled with mental health personally. At the age of 35 I was diagnosed with ADD might seem a joke to some but after being properly medicated I feel I am not stuck inside myself its hard to explain but I’m me without not wanting to be me if you know what I mean. I believe Lots of things have contributed to society’s poor health and mental health including diet additives and environmental. I’m so glad of my diagnosis as I’m here to be the mother and wife to the ones I love.
Caro Bella says
Hi Megan,
I’m sorry but I have to reply to your comment. I was born with ADHD and although it dissipates with age for most adults, I still have the adult form and will take it to my grave.
Your comments are simply arrogant. Although I am very grateful to my mom for never giving me the Ritalin my teachers were begging her to, some help would have been great.
It has affected me in more ways than I can tell and I came to peace with myself two years ago when I first took time to learn about it and actually read the story of my life.
While ADHD is over diagnosed, it does exist and it does affect the person who has it and everyone around them. I would recommend you do more research, be around kids and adults who have to deal with it and take no medication to have a real understanding of it and quit the nasty uneducated comments. I wouldn’t mind tell you what kind of internal and external conflicts I have to deal with on a daily basis. Just ask.
Megan says
And again, the whole ADHD thing is just a made-up diagnosis by society. People need to just start parenting their kids.
Michelle "Pedey" says
I just hope, for your sake & your child’s, that you never have a child that truly needs medication because 1.) you’ll probably deny it to him & make him suffer his whole life feeling like a failure at relationships & someone other people hate to be around; like he’s not as smart or ‘good’ as the other kids and you’ll butt heads resulting in frustrations for everyone in your family (total parenting fail)… or 2.) you WILL go with medication & get to enjoy our end of this “it’s fake” BS that uneducated, inexperienced people spew out like sewage. You have nothing too add to this conversation so it might be time for you to go troll a different post.
janell says
Megan, your comments are truly ignorant. You honestly have no idea what you are talking about. I pray you eventually gain some perspective in your lifetime.
Christine Ingebretson says
Thank you so very much for your honesty. I too, have a child with ADHD and Adderall made it possible for us all to live peacefully and powerfully through the elementary years. I so admire you putting yourself out there to help other moms with ADHD kids. Your post is loving, grace-filled and practical! Thank you. I bless you sister!!
Life Made Full says
Thanks for your encouragement, Christine! <3
Eva S. says
I’m 39 yrs old and was diagnosed with ADHD, my husband is totally against medication and doesn’t believe in ADHD, but for me to look back on an entire lifetime and be so disappointed in myself for never being able to accomplish anything even something as little as cleaning the kitchen or getting organized or to watch my husband clean the whole house in an hour when it took me all day to just do one room was enough to make me try medication (Vyvanse) and OMG my husband is a believer now, without even thinking, I cleaned the entire house, did more than I’ve ever done (organization wise) in my whole life, and felt amazing!!!! I’ve tried for 35 yrs to fix this by diet, herbs, supplements, yoga, hypnotherapy, counseling and sometimes medication is just the only way. Thanks for your post, I love your blog and recipes!!!!
Life Made Full says
Thank you for sharing your story, Eva! I am so happy that you found something that works for you!
KristyLouT says
Oh my! I cannot believe the people commenting. You are opening up with your experience and they are saying this? Bless you for sharing and helping others out and for trying so many other things before coming to the decision. Medication is the right decision when so much other stuff has been tried.
Anonymous says
ADHD is about as real as the Easter bunny. Way to make excuses.
Michelle says
What? The Easter Bunny isn’t real?
Caro Bella says
Lol @Michelle 😉
Kim says
You are brave and made the right decision for your son. It’s clear that you tried alternative options, but your son’s quality of life was nowhere near normal.
I am sure that ADHD is over- and mis-diagnosed frequently, mostly because we do not yet have an objective test for it. Medical science has only scratched the surface of understanding our brains. That doesn’t mean that things can’t physically go wrong with it, though. It’s just sad that so many people deny that mental illnesses can have physical causes. It leads to many sick people not getting the help they need because of the stigmas attached to mental illness.
On a personal note, my husband has a cousin who is downright awful to be around if he doesn’t take his meds. I had no idea he had ADHD or was taking anything for it. He just came to visit one time and was completely obnoxious – – it took us both by surprise! Later on we found out that he hadn’t taken his meds at all (for what reason, I don’t recall). There was a HUGE difference though. That alone made me believe there really IS something to it.
Life Made Full says
Thank you, Kim!
Wendy says
Shanti, my name is Wendy. I have never commented on your blog before, but I just had to now. You have changed my life. Your post has given me hope. My son is 8 and hasn’t officially been diagnosed with ADHD. We have always suspected he had hyperactivity, and have dealt with it as best as possible. As he has gotten older, it’s almost too much to bear. I know exactly what you mean when you say your son was like a cancer in your family. And I know that you did not mean that in a mean way, but as the truth. Unless someone has lived with a child or person like this, they simply cannot understand. It is the most gut-wrenching, awful, difficult thing to deal with every day. I look at my son sometimes and fear what the future holds. His siblings hate him. Even his grandparents can’t stand him. I’m hanging on by a thread. We have tried eating a strict Paleo diet for 2 years. I have tried going to therapy with him for a year. We have tried supplements and other alternative methods. Nothing has worked. In fact, I would say he is worse now than he was before.
Thank you.
Thank you for being open, honest and vulnerable. I can only imagine how much it hurts to have people hurl insults at you when they just don’t know. They really don’t.
Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for helping me to see that it is not ME failing. I beat myself up so much for the way my son is, even though his 2 siblings are nothing like him. My husband and I have talked about meds before, but I think it is time to revisit the topic.
Again, thank you so much. God is using you in more ways than you can imagine. Just stay true to yourself, keep sharing, and you will continue to impact the lives of those who read your blog.
Life Made Full says
Thank you so much, Wendy. Your comment made my day! So sorry to hear about the struggles with your son. Praying for direction and discernment for you!
Susan says
Hi Wendy, just curious, is this a biological child or is he adopted? Wondering if there are other issues such as RAD contributing to the “cancerous” behavior.
Anne says
I just have to say you are doing a great job as a mom. I think it is awesome that you exhausted every other route and when those didn’t work, you did what was best for your son. You made a very informed decision and didn’t take it lightly. I also think it was very brave to open up your life to readers and explain your decision. Thank you.
Shanti @ Life Made Full says
Thank you, Anne!
Mom of an ADHD kid says
We made the same decision when I finally understood the effects of pre-natal meth exposure for our child. I am not a doctor, but an expert in brain chemistry gave me this explanation that helped me be the mom that our child needed when I was so resistant to medication. It helped answer my questions about stimulants helping ADHD. In (very) short, when the brain’s neurological system is flooded with amphetamines as it forms in utero, so many extra neurotransmitters are stimulated that the nervous system can actually form more receptors than normal to receive all the extra neurotransmitters. Then at birth (after withdrawls) the brain is deprived of the stimulants, but the receptors are still there waiting for neurotransmitters that aren’t being produced in the same quantity. The receptors stay agitated due to this imbalance. By giving this nervous system a fine-tuned amount of extra amphetamine, the extra receptors begin working and calm down so the system can do it’s job in balance. Further, my understanding of brain development is that a traumatic event during pregnancy can cause the same kind of chemical/ receptor development in a child not exposed to drugs. Whatever works is about balancing transmitters and receptors. For some, diet and activity work while for others medication works.
Rene Pittaway says
Hi Shanti
Thank you for being brave enough to share your and your son’s story.
I am a mom of a 9 year old son who we have just put on ADD meds. This was the hardest decision for us. As you, we tried EVERYTHING so we didn’t have to put him onto the meds. His self esteem was so low, he was called the class clown due to his’ naughty behaviour’, he didn’t get invited to birthday parties and the list goes on.
We had taken him to a psychologist when he was 7, who had assessed and advised that he was borderline ADD and we felt it was not necessary to put him onto meds. Two years down the line, his ADD progressed. We took him to our pediatrician who suggested Concerta. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!! Headaches, loss of appetite, mood swings and the final straw, suicidal!
We stopped the meds after three weeks as we just couldn’t watch our little boy go through all if this. Our pediatrician recommended we take him to a Psychiatrist due to the suicidal threats. The Psychiatrist recommended anti depressants. I was beside myself. Who puts a nine year old onto anti depressants. It was such a difficult decision for us, but it was a choice we decided to make, as I did not want to have a What If situation later in my son’s life if he ever followed through on his suicidal threats.
Having put him onto the anti depressants changed him into the little boy we once knew. He became patient, tolerant, affectionate. Our little boy was back!!
After being on the anti depressants for a couple of months, we noticed he was still battling at school. So we decided to to try Strattera which is a non stimulant. It has helped tremendously.
Putting our son onto anti depressants and ADD meds was the hardest decision to make, but I’m most grateful that we have.
You are doing the right thing for your son.
May God bless you and pour many blessings over your family.
Shanti Landon says
Thank you, Rene! Bless you and your sweet son!
Michelle says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds an awful lot like our story… My son (also 10) is honestly the sweetest, kindest person I know… *when he is in the right state.* From a very early age he had this “rage” inside him that made no sense to us. It wasn’t “him” and it was triggered by the smallest things. People told me it was “age appropriate” – but that didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t “him”. After much research I settled upon ODD as the closest possibility (but knew that still wasn’t it) and read that removing gluten could help. We saw an immediate difference! His kindergarten teacher, who had warned us at the beginning of the year “to not be surprised if he is diagnosed mild ADD when he is in 4th grade” told us that he was great when we removed the gluten! He was able to focus and stay on task. His outbursts disappeared. Last year was a very stressful year as I just felt like the gluten-free didn’t have the same “control” on him as it had previously. His self-confidence took a huge dive along with his school work (he completed 100% of his homework but turned in less than 20% b/c he just forgot…!?!?!) and the stress at home was growing b/c he was indeed harder to parent than his brother… At the end of 4th grade last year a friend was asking me for advice on GF as she knew we had been Paleo for a few years… she explained that her freshman son was diagnosed with ADHD and meds were helping greatly but she wanted to dial in the nutrition as well. As she shared her struggles with her son – it all made sense to me. All those unexplained “issues” now had clear, text book explanations. We made appointments with our pediatrician and a psychologist and traveled down that path… We are a pretty natural & healthy family that doesn’t medicate for colds or headaches… but my husband and I were confident that our son has his diet as clean as it could ever be… our house calm & organized… schedules, routines, downtime and cuddles… Our pediatrician knows I prefer to not medicate but explained why there are some cases when it helps – and that some people feel so much better on their meds. if that is the case with my son – I need to let that be his decision. And that is exactly what he chose. This school year has been so much better. He is confident again. And we are no longer living in fear of that rage that could come at any moment… usually directed at myself or his little brother. I spoke with our naturopath about it as well and she agreed that this is something that is clearly necessary for him. She told me to be confidant in our decision. —- I’m saddened by the comments people have posted here toward you as you shared something so incredibly personal. The one thing I have been reminded of this past year… is that we can’t judge one another. We are all doing the best we can. 5 years ago I was pretty darn confident that gluten-free/clean eating was the answer for all those challenging kiddos and parents needed to step up! I hope I’m much more compassionate now. No one knows what challenges families are facing in their personal, private, let-your-guards-down moments. Like I tell my boys, “You know your truth. Trust in it & be strong…”
Tracy says
I cried when my son was diagnosed; I cried when I picked up his first prescription. But the FIRST day he took it, he came home & said, “Mom, I like school now! I’m good at it and I didn’t get in trouble!”
People who don’t believe it exists will not be convinced. It probably is over diagnosed at times, but it is very real, very devastating, and very treatable.
Maria Sisto says
Oh, Shanti! I had no idea that your family’s story and my family’s story were so parallel. We have so much in common. Thank you for sharing your feelings, thoughts, heart and your walk to finally medicate your sweet son. Your writings are a blessing to me! Thank you!